Latest Report from Bernie
COOKHAM GRAVITY GRAND PRIX
Sandwich’s coffin has been seen
stationary in Church Rd. The coffin is dead slow; it will not pass the
churchyard. His challenge is subsequently GROUNDED. Sandwich is flying
to Italy next week to collect a new design. Security has been increased at
Steel Going in light
of the spy scandal as Sandwich hunts for more competitive wheels.
Sooty has climbed another chimney in an
attempt to snap more spy shots of Steel Going. The Stig was caught on
camera putting Steel Going through rigorous testing in Long Lane on
The Weatherman has gone to Brighton in search of fresh seaweed,
which he believes will provide a far more accurate forecast than his
radar which thus far has proved to be woefully ineffective.
Jagger Jarvis of Rolling Stoves is furious with Sandwich after
the attempted sabotage of his entry. It has been reported that Sandwich
planted and detonated an explosive device with intent to disrupt
Jagger’s preparations for the up coming Grand Prix. Sandwich has yet
to comment on this matter.
The Metropolitan Police are entering the Grand Prix, and have
recruited a well know Welsh driver called Sarj. When asked to comment on
the where abouts of their driver the Met said that he had not been seen
a year of refurbishment with three quarters of a million pounds from the
Lottery Fund the Stanley Spencer Gallery has opened its doors again with
a truly twenty first century look. The original opening was scheduled
for June 2007 but it slowly crept back and back, however the result is
truly spectacular. To find out more about the Stanley Spencer Gallery click
Row Threatens Cookham Dean Gravity Grand Prix
As the row over whether
McLaren spied on Ferrari’s formula one secrets reaches a conclusion,
there are fears that sporting espionage has spread to the world of the
The organisers of the first Cookham Dean Gravity Grand Prix fear the
integrity of the event has been fatally damaged, as rumours of dark
deeds and dirty tricks circulate in the village.
The Gravity Grand Prix, scheduled for Sunday 14th October, will see up
to 20 custom-built vehicles race from the junction of Church Road and
Spring Lane to the finish line at Uncle Tom's Cabin. All proceeds will
go to the Thames Valley & Chiltern Air Ambulance.
However, what started as a charity fund raising event now threatens to
split the community, as rumours abound that secret photos of one
competitor’s soapbox have been widely circulated among his rivals.
The spying scandal centres on the Jolly Farmer pub. Mr Steve Wray of
Craufurd Engineering Services Ltd, who has an entry called Steel Going,
was shocked to find the confidential photographs of his creation
circulating amongst other contestants.
"I sat down showed the photographs to a few close friends, and
before I could order a pint they were gone,” said Steve. “This is
clearly cheating - if there were ruling body to complain to I would be
speaking to them, but it turns out that soap box derbying is totally
"This shoddy lack of control is one reason why the sport has been
rejected by the International Olympic Committee as an event for the 2012
An undercover investigation by Cookham.com at the Jolly Farmer initially
proved fruitless. A discussion at one table about the possible
whereabouts of an old pram descended into muffled whispers when our
investigator tried to join in.
However, one of the conspirators eventually agreed to an interview. Mr
Peter Bartlett, who plans to travel the course in a coffin on wheels
called Feet First, freely admits to circulating Steve Wray’s
"I thought that he had discarded them,” said Mr Bartlett with his
tongue firmly in his cheek. “If they were that sensitive he shouldn't
leave them lying about. Anyway we have shaken hands and sort of
He added: “Our main concern now is with a group who leave the bar on
the pretence of taking a smoking break – they don’t smoke. Why would
they want to go outside in this summer? We know they are plotting
In a bid to clean up the event, the organisers are throwing the field
open to new entries. There are still a few spaces left on the starting
Law Firm Grows and Grows
Solicitors LLP Maidenhead’s leading firm of commercial property
solicitors has continued its expansion with the appointment of solicitor
Brian Regler who has transferred from the
branch of a large,
brings with him an impressive following of well-known business clients
which he has built up over the past 30 years.
They include landlords of residential and commercial property,
investors in property portfolios, and owner-managed businesses.
Since first qualifying as a solicitor in 1973 whilst at another
firm, he has made a speciality of property law.
This expertise has seen him employed in
and more recently in
on his move to Colemans he says, “One
of the benefits of working at the head office of the firm is that I
shall be able to provide my clients with a wide range of legal services
from under one roof. It
will be a great advantage to have colleagues close at hand who can act
for my clients in related areas such as litigation, company commercial,
business transactions and inheritance tax mitigation”.
Managing Partner Mike Stone says “Our
clients want to deal with experienced property professionals and by
adding Brian to our team we now have both enormous experience and real
strength in depth. We cover
the full range of property and related services and Brian’s experience
and maturity will help our clients and ourselves move from strength to
has been one of Brian’s interests for many years, serving as a
committee member of The Law Society Cricket Club for 25 years.
Whilst working in
he was also president of Middlesex Law Society – a big hitter in more
ways than one!
further information contact Mr Mike Stone or Brian Regler on 01628
631051 or email email@example.com
or visit the website http://www.colemans.co.uk
Tarrystone Players are holding open auditions for their November
production, Agatha Christie's 'The Hollow' and would love you to come
along! 'It's one of Christie's least known plays which is partly why we
chose it,' says chairman Richard James, 'The ending will be a surprise
The Hollow features a large cast of men and women of all ages, so
there's ample opportunity to cast newcomers in some large roles. 'If
you've ever considered stepping out on stage, why not come along and
join in the fun?' says Richard. The audition will be held at the Pinder
Hall, Lower Road on Thursday 6th September from 8pm. Rehearsals
will then take place in Cookham Dean on Tuesdays & Thursdays and the
three performances will be held in late November.
More details at www.geocities.com/tarrystoneplayers
Accident in Beaconsfield
Our hearts go out to Jackie Powers, who
runs the Cookham Dean Post Office, and her two daughters, on hearing
that her husband Damien was killed in a car crash this week in
Beaconsfield Old Town.
of Janet Bingham
was with great sadness that Cookham.com learnt of the death of Janet
Bingham at Wexham Park Hospital last week, having spent some weeks in
the Hospice at Windsor. Janet would have been 58 on the 23rd August
2007. Janet, born in Yorkshire, had
come to live in Cookham Dean at Shy Hamlet in the 1990s after living in
the US where her husband was working for Fisher Price. Janet immediately
threw herself into the activities of the village and became a member of
the Parish Council where she was chairman of the Finance
Committee. She had her own afternoon show on the first Cookham Summer FM
on the Parish Council in 1997 and also was on air again in 1999. She
will also be remembered for the Millennium clock that was paid for by
the Parish Council and erected on the wall of the station in Cookham.
Janet was a very keen golfer and was lady president of her golf club at
Littlewick Green. After resigning from the Parish Council in 2002, Janet
then took on the chairmanship of the Dean Rise WI with great enthusiasm.
On separating from her husband Bill she then moved to the Old Post
Office in King's Lane in Cookham Dean, which she restored so it was a
little gem. Janet also loved dance and used to be found surrounded by
costumes and pieces of material while she made the costumes for the
annual performances of her group Tiptoes. She also could be seen serving behind the bar at
the Social Club on a Sunday evening. Janet's enthusiasm and mass of
curly red hair will be remembered by many in Cookham and she will be
sorely missed. The verse she asked to be printed under the clock was a
particular favourite of her's.
there be respect for the Earth
for its people
in our lives, delight in the good
for past wrongs
from now on a new start
A Cookham.com reader has sent us this
photo of the footwear that we may need soon.
The Cookham Country Market
will not be at Pinder Hall on Fridays 10th, 17th and 24th August
but will instead be outside Elizabeth House on Saturdays 11th,
18th and 25th August from 9am to 11.30.
of Cookham's best known and much loved characters sadly passed away this
week. Reca, of Aspley Cottages, Lower Road, was a popular artist
and gardener, and a good friend of Stanley Spencer. last year Meridian
TV interviewed her for a programme on Cookham.
A talented potter and sculptor,
Reca made the fabulous head of Stanley Spencer on show at the
Spencer gallery, and the evocative head of Elizabeth Saunders, founder
of Elizabeth house. Reca continued to work and exhibit to the end of
her life and as recently as 2005 her wonderful life size
reclining lady "Bottoms up" drew many excited comments when
it was on show at Stratfords wines, during the Cookham
Festival. Among her many lovely pieces was another glorious bust
of a close Cookham friend Wendy Craig, which Reca
created in the 1970s.
Always active, Reca was in her 90s and
still learning - "I love my computer" she declared "I
just wish it was faster and could do more!" Her art classes were
always popular and many people will recall her passion for drawing,
sculpting and creativity of all sorts.
Timmy Mallett said "Always a happy
enthusiastic lady, one of our favourite calls came each year in late
Feb early March as the weather started to warm up. "Do you want
to come fishing for frogspawn?" Reca would ask "Billy will
love it, the frogs are busy mating in the pond and there's lost of
frogspawn if you'd like it!" We would go round with buckets
and fishing net and there was always something new to admire in her
garden. Reca would help us scoop through the netting (to keep the
herons off) and we reciprocated to her with gifts of homemade Mallett
Reca will be sadly missed. There was
someone with a passion for living, for people, their talents, and
their friendship. Her artistic impact on the village is still all
Not Become a Part Time Fireman
am Phil Holdford, Officer in charge of Cookham Fire station.
are now recruiting for people to join our team at the fire station to
ride the appliances and carry out Community Fire safety around Cookham.
am setting up a team to carry out a new project in 4x 4 fires around
the county as well as running a control unit for major incidents.
anyone is interested in a challenge and wants to get paid for it
please contact me at Cookham Fire station on a Monday Evening at 7pm
to 10 pm.
have testing in September and will give you all the support you need
are ideally looking for day cover and have already had interest from
ladies around the village but all are welcome, between the ages of 18
Complementary Health Directory Launched
Cookham Complementary Health Directory is brought to you by Jo Piercey
and Cheryl Ann Brickell, both of us complementary health practitioners
living in Cookham who met while producing and presenting programmes for
Cookham Summer FM in 2006.
its run we uncovered a wealth of highly qualified practitioners with
expertise in a wide variety of disciplines in Cookham and the
identified and gathered so many practitioners together we wanted to
maintain contact with them and so set up a practitioner network which
meets at regular intervals throughout the year.
aim of the network was to provide a forum for us to meet regularly to
get to know each other, find out what we each have to offer and how we
can work together to provide the best care for our clients.
rather than keep this information to ourselves we decided to share our
list of contacts with a wider audience - hence the directory. CLICK
hope you find it a useful reference source - one which will expand and
develop in time. If you have any comments or suggestions please e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org.
has Happened to Widbrook Stream?
Cookham.com received this from James
Hatch who lives in British Colombia, Canada.
As you know I keep in touch with things
that are going on in the village both by e-mail and a visual look from
space. Yes it is surprising what you can
see what is going on around your old home via Google.
I have studied the area from the Fleet
Bridge right down and over Widbrook to the river at Islet Park. The
picture was taken earlier this year and I am appalled at the condition
of the stream. You can see in the picture above how choked it has
become with reeds and Duck Weed (that is the light green in the
picture). In the olden days the water was kept flowing by the old
Thames Conservancy on an annual basis with a team of men who clean out
the reeds. It seems that they spend millions on flood control then
neglect to upkeep in the form of preventative maintenance. As it is at
the moment it is a very good breeding ground for mosquitoes and I
don't want people to panic but, there is always that the dreaded West
Nile virus will show up. So let the people know that they should bring
pressure to bare on the Thames Water Authority.
Trinity - Centre of Attention
Trinity church is busy with weddings and visitors this summer.
of the bellringing boys, clambered to the top of the roof of the
church and this is the view when they looked down - on the latest
wedding gathering! While Red Bingham from Australia enjoys the sound
of the bells when given the tour by young Billy Mallett
Club Needs a Physio
Dean Football Club are on the look out for a Physio to join the
First Team staff. Duties would include attending to players injuries
on matchdays and advising on dietry and fitness issues throughout the
club as a whole.
The position is unpaid and would suit someone who is training in this
field or somebody who would like to get involved in the environment of
a local football club.
House Gift Day
was the annual Gift Day at Elizabeth House on Saturday 23 June. Coffee,
tea and cakes were available, also a wonderful selection of
was a good opportunity to meet old friends and have an enjoyable chat.
Some delicious cakes were available to
cuppa or to buy and take home for later. Liz Dyer. who runs Elizabeth
House, was busy offering cakes and pouring out tea to the background
music of the Fabulous Shirtlifters who were not actually there in real
life but were being played from a ghetto blaster.